Happy New Year ❤

A year of huge highs and low lows. The year I married my best friend. The year I said goodbye to my little sister and then got her back again (fuck you Australia 😆) The year I finally bit the bullet and went back to college. The year we said good riddance to pampers. The year we almost daily went back and forth about whether or not to "go again". "Not" seems to be prevailing (my fondness for wine and the "odd" fag have nothing to do with it... swur 🙈) The year I started sharing my shit, the good, bad and ugly. The year I started saying "no" to people - this alone has been such a huge challenge for me personally, I was a yes person. I constantly put myself and my family out by saying yes to please others... then something dropped... I copped on. Saying no is so liberating, so freeing. Putting yourself and your family first, life is way too short and flimsy for anything else.
The year I stopped waiting, stopped imagining doing things as this futuristic, skinnier version of me who has straight white teeth with lip fillers and a slight glowy tan oozing with confidence and zero anxiety. Cause that's who I thought I needed to be to be anything. That's who I thought I needed to be to exist. Skinny. Tanned. Mother of the year. Friend of the year. Wife of the year. Daughter of the year. Sister of the year. You know where that kind of mindset gets you? Exhausted, worn out and broken going no where fast, that's where. And last but most importantly (and i think you might agree) the year I grew my eyebrows back after plucking them to death for the best part of 18 years... nothing like good brows and strong coffee to get a girl through 😎😎

I suppose I should be writing about goals and new years resolutions and giving off this kind of yingy yangy inspirational type yarn but let's face it I'm not exactly the most inspirational... I mean who signs up to a 6 week fitness challenge (tells 2000 of you all about it in a blog post) and then flakes after 3 weeks. I do... me... that's me. Yep. That's what I do. In my defence, I was sort of drowning in assignments, work placement and just the day to day shit that comes with running a household of 5 like a boss 💁 Especially when 3 out of 5 people in that household decided to ruin my life for about three weeks by puking and snotting all over the place and leaving me with no other choice.... multiple bastard wash baskets. Priorities. Something had to give. The challenge was the something. And you know what, that's OK.  That's more than OK.  Because at the end of the day who really gives a shit. The old me, she would have given several shits. The old me would have spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to explain myself and apologising. You know, I think I've spent a good 20 years apologising. I use to say sorry for everything. It drove my husband nuts. You could have run me over and I'd peel myself off the road apologising, everything was my fault. I never even realised I did it until he pointed it out to me, then I started mentally noting the frequency of my sorry saying. So I've pulled back on the sorry saying and will not be apologising for my lack of dedication to my journey to find abs. Fuck abs. I'm so sick of being told how we should look. When I say "being told" I mean its everywhere, everytime I look at Instagram and Facebook someone is staring back at me with tight toned abs, breastfeeding their 3 week old twins while I'm standing there letting my 3 year old have a cookie so I can have 5 minutes peace. Not even sorry. There's just so much more to it all. There has to be. So while fitness will always be "up there" on my priorities list, I'm going head first into 2017 more focused on why I do it... less for the abs, more for my sanity. So when life throws too many balls at you its OK to put one down, it's OK to not be everything to everyone. It's OK to not be perfect. In fact your imperfectness is endearing. It's what draws people to you. Especially when it's clear you've accepted yourself. Especially when it's clear you don't actually give a shit what people think anymore. That's probably the biggest one for me for 2016. I don't care what polly and poppy whisper behind my back. I'm doing me and I'm so OK with that that I don't need anyone's seal of approval.

I'm going into 2017 with the realisation that I enjoy fitness, walking, running and meditating but I also enjoy chocolate, wine and dancing until stupid o clock. My mental health has taken a fair few knocks over the years, I know that I may never be completely free of my demons, but I know too that right now I'm doing good better than I've ever done before. I feel like I'm awake, I'm not waiting anymore. I'm just doing what I know works for me. Everything in moderation and hoping I don't slip and fall - and if I do, hoping that I will continue to get back up.  2017 will be the last year of my twenties. Some of my friends have already made the transition into their thirties or will be over the next few months, it's an event that most of them are finding quite daunting. I suppose the end of your twenties is the end of an era. Like from here on out its pretty much mortgages and gravity playing havoc with your skin. Bastard gravity. But no. I'm actually feeling like it's good. Bye twenties. Bye unsure, insecure, people pleasing, sorry saying, anxiety ridden, baby popping twenty something... and then it's just me. Someone who is not ashamed of her story. Who is just simply doing her best, day by day and is just so ok with that. Who cares so much her heart hurts everytime one of you take the time to message her your story. Who mothers the life out of her 8, 5 and 3 year old, loves them with all she has, who loves her husband and who loves herself. Accepts herself. Loses her shit and breaks out in the odd sweat but also laughs about it afterwards. Who sheds tears for people she doesn't know, the refugee crisis, the homeless crisis, the mental health crisis. The only new years resolution I have is to continue on this path. To keep writing, ranting, laughing and crying. And if you have set yourself some new years resolutions please add this one to the list.. go easy on yourself. Stop striving for perfection. The one thing we have going for us in this life is our individuality. You are you, there is no one else like you in the whole world. Embrace that. Push forward with that. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are enough, I promise you. Time is of the essence. Let 2017 be your time!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the continued support. 2017 will hopefully be the year we love more, hate less, and maybe come together more to make slow and steady progress. Refugee crisis. Homelessness. Mental health. Suicide. We are slowly and steadily standing up. We are slowly and steadily realising - we are the change, we are enough.

Happy New Year 💕

Mammysbrightside ❤


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