Showing posts from 2017

Embrace 💓

I stand looking in the full length uncomplementing mirror that resides in my bedroom. I'm desperately trying not to pull the reflection I see staring back at me assunder. It's an awful lot harder than I had anticipated. I've spent about 20 years tearing it apart. Not toned enough. Not thin enough. Legs not long enough. No thigh gap. Stretch marks starting from my thighs and wrapping themselves like structured grapevines around my hips and lower tummy. I colapse onto the bed. God it's all just so exhausting, I think I was about 9 when I started noticing things. I remember sports days at school, sitting cross legged in the grass with my best friend laughing about everything. We spent all our time laughing. Until I suddenly realised I was fake laughing because whilst she was blissfully unaware I was noticing how much thicker my thighs were when we sat cross legged, how her tummy didnt roll when she sat down so I quickly straightened out my legs and my tummy but kept smili…

Anxiety and Me ❤

"It's OK,  I'm right here. Keep going, we're nearly there"... these were the words my husband said over and over again after he somehow convinced me climbing Croagh Patrick was a good idea. Beads of sweat gathered around my forehead, for the record at this point as I held on for dear life, shaking like a leaf and imagining all the worst outcomes possible - In my head I heard news bulletins "Air corp forced to rescue young woman from the top of Croagh Patrick after she shit herself and refused to climb back down".... No, I did not think this was a good idea, not even a little bit. There I was on my hands and knees trying to mask my crying by laughing, psychotic laughs involuntarily escaped my mouth ensuring the two unfortunate girls stuck directly behind us were in no doubt at this point that I was on day release from some kind of hospital and husband was my carer. This worried me, but honestly I did nothing to try convince them otherwise, I was far too …

My First Born 💕

I wasn't expecting it to hit me as hard as it did I struggled to compose my tears along with my overwhelming need to grab you and squeeze you I knew you wouldn't be impressed with my over exerted mammyness in front of the shop lady so I held back... I watched you walk from the dressing room right up the centre of the shop - beaming. You turned with your big blue eyes and the brightest smile knocking me for six as you said "this one mammy, I love this one". Your eyes shining brighter than the diamontes on the dress, your hair glistening under the shop lights, you twirled and danced, carefree and happy and my heart almost burst. How time has flown. It's true what they say - blink and you'll miss it. 8 and a half years ago you came twirling and dancing into our lives with your big blue eyes. Knocking us for six for the first time. We didn't realise you would do that over and over again. Life is so busy. I'm so busy. Going. Always going. Sleepless nights …

An open letter to my pregnant best friend ❤

An open letter to my pregnant best friend.

Dearest T,
I can't believe we are down just 4 weeks to go. I don't think I will ever forget that phone call when you told me you were like 5 minutes pregnant... I choked on my coffee, it came out my nose as I cried big soppy happy tears. My happiness for you chokes me, I feel it in the deepest part of me, my heart could burst with love. I mean I could have slapped you silly at the time for telling me so early, who knew I could keep a secret so well... you obviously did. And I'm so glad you did... especially after the 12 week mark when I could boast about already knowing and about how good my secret keeping skills are!! Watching you glide through the journey that is pregnancy like you were born for it, you are already nailing motherhood, you've got the glow thing down 😍

Everything is about to change (for the better, obviously), these next four weeks are a bit like your last hurrah, soak up the sleep, soak up the bump kicks, so…

Happy New Year ❤

A year of huge highs and low lows. The year I married my best friend. The year I said goodbye to my little sister and then got her back again (fuck you Australia 😆) The year I finally bit the bullet and went back to college. The year we said good riddance to pampers. The year we almost daily went back and forth about whether or not to "go again". "Not" seems to be prevailing (my fondness for wine and the "odd" fag have nothing to do with it... swur 🙈) The year I started sharing my shit, the good, bad and ugly. The year I started saying "no" to people - this alone has been such a huge challenge for me personally, I was a yes person. I constantly put myself and my family out by saying yes to please others... then something dropped... I copped on. Saying no is so liberating, so freeing. Putting yourself and your family first, life is way too short and flimsy for anything else.
The year I stopped waiting, stopped imagining doing things as th…